Friday, July 2, 2010

I Got Kicked Out of the Library, but I Got My Revenge and Still had Time to Make a Great Meal

I got booted from the library this week. Tuesday to be exact.

I was relaxing in a chair in the magazine section flipping through back issues of 'The Enlightened Sous Chef' when someone called me on my cell phone. I answered and tried to talk in whispers so as not to disturb anyone who was actually there to read. Then this librarian scurried over and tapped me on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir, but didn’t you see the sign? You’re not allowed to use a cell phone in the library.”

I glanced up at her. “But I’m not using a cell phone”.

“Oh?” she said, raising one eyebrow. “Then what’s that thing you’re holding up to your ear?”

“It’s a pacemaker. For my brain. See, whenever I forget something or loose my train of thought, this little baby jumpstarts my thought process.”

She placed her hands on her hips and leaned forward. “Oh yeah? Then how come I saw you talking into it?”

“It’s voice activated,” I replied with a smile. “It only comes on when I speak. I save a fortune on batteries.”

She didn’t buy it and I found myself out on the street.

So I got back at them.

The next day I got my revenge. I went back and checked out, like, 27 books. But instead of leaving with them, I put them all back on the shelf.

Ha! Let ‘em figure that one out.

And while they’re scratching their heads over that one, let me share a recipe I managed to scribble down on the back of my library card. It’s from the Enlightened Sous Chef Issue #86 – The Swimsuit Edition.

Bon App├ętit!



This is a wonderfully quick and delicious meal. Ham steaks can be found in the meat section and reheat in a jiffy. I usually purchase several if they’re on sale and keep them in the freezer for those nights when I don’t have a lot of time to cook but still want something out of the ordinary. If you begin the rice pilaf and steam the corn just before you grill the ham steaks, you’ll have dinner on the table in less than half an hour (a bit more if you are using charcoal).

Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 15 – 20 minutes


2 tablespoons plum preserves (you may use apricot if plum preserves are unavailable)
1 tablespoon white wine
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 pound hams steak, 1-inch thick


1. Preheat outdoor grill or hibachi.
2. When the grill is nearly ready, combine the preserves, wine, mustard, lemon juice, and cinnamon in a small saucepan over low heat. Cook and stir until well combined, about 3 minutes. Set aside.
3. Lightly score the edges of the ham steak (to prevent curling) then grill, uncovered, until cooked through, about 5 to 8 minutes per side depending on the temperature of your grill. Brush with the glaze during the last few minutes (do not burn glaze).

Serve with corn on the cob and rice pilaf.


  1. I'd like to borrow that brain pacemaker...

  2. Hilarious. And I've never been a huge ham fan, but this sounds like it would be delicious on that pork shoulder I have in my fridge... thanks!

  3. This is hilarious! You could've also said it was a device to help you summon your UFO but that probably would've gotten you banned for life :)

  4. Thanks, Abbey! And hey, you're probably right. The glaze would work nice on that pork shoulder. Let me know how it goes.

  5. LOL, Azmina, of course summoning UFO's is why I have my tin foil hat. :-)

  6. This sounds like something my husband would do! There are a ton of food blogs out there (mine being one of them)... but one that makes me laugh is rare. So consider me a follower- I always enjoy a good laugh, and appreciate a good recipe.

  7. Thanks, Holly! BTW, this is something your husband might do as well? Geez...librarians of America, look out! :-)

  8. I may never stop laughing... But don't tell my kids:) Nice recipe...

  9. Funny story! But the recipe looks delicious!