If I Didn't Have to Spend My Hard Earned Cash on Stupid Things Like Food and Shelter, I'd Buy All This Cool Kitchen Gear

Have you ever had a summer bash or cookout where you had more thirsty guests than you had bottles of cold brewskis? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "beer run" strategy).

Or have you ever ended the month with more bills than had money to pay them? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "bounced check" strategy).

I didn't think so.

So we should approach this next topic as purely hypothetical.

There's a lot of cool kitchen gear out there. And I'm not talking about top-of-the-line KitchenAid mixers or Viking Gas stoves or even that thirty-seven piece All Clad cookware set you've been drooling over ever since your neighbor auctioned off a kidney and purchased one.

Not that this stuff isn't cool. It is.

No, what I'm talking about is the *really* cool kitchen gear. Cool as in what would Anthony Stark (from Iron Man) have in his kitchen given his financial horsepower and quirky sense of humor.

I'm talking the kind of stuff I would buy if I didn't have to waste all of my hard earned cash on stupid things like food, clothes and shelter.

I'm talking ultra-cool stuff like this:

Electric Spaghetti Twirler

Who has time to twirl spaghetti? I don't. That's why I'd buy this electric spaghetti twirler. Load it up with a couple of AAA batteries and you're good to go. (I hear it's also good for cleaning the lint out of your navel and the wax out of your dog's ears).

Herb Scissors

Snipping and chopping herbs is another huge waste of time. With these babies you can blast right through this menial chore. This gadget would also be great for cutting the kids' hair. You can get done in 1/4 of the time, which will give you more time to enjoy your:

Kernal Cutter

At first glance, this appears to be a real time saver. But to me, this looks downright scary to have around the house. Especially if your wife gets ticked off real easy. I think I'd rather have a loaded weapon lying around than one of these babies. Maybe something along the lines of:

The BA-K-47

Made of pure bacon, this semi-automatic weapon is perfect for warding off trespassers, burglars, and those pesky vegetarians who just cannot shut up about the glories of their chosen diet.

So...if you had the financial horsepower of Tony Stark, what cool things would you add to your kitchen?