Ceviche. The Perfect Meal to Make When You Forgot to Pay Your Gas Bill.

Are you looking for a refreshingly delightful meal for a hot Saturday night? Then look no further. This popular south of the border seafood dish is a cinch to prepare. Heck, you don't even need to fire up the grill or stove.

Yes. You heard me right.

This dish requires no cooking.

But it's not sashimi.

Many introductions to ceviche recipes will tell you the scallops (or other salt-water seafood) is cooked by the lime. Well, 'cooked' is a misnomer. It isn't cooked because there's no heat applied. Instead the seafood is denatured - the protein molecules are changed by the acid in the lime juice - their nature is changed. Cooking also denatures proteins. As does smoke, salt and even air. We're all familiar with smoked, salted, and air-dried food. Think smoked hams, Germany's Rohschinken, the wide array of Italian cured meats, or that delicacy of the deep Appalachians: road-kill that's been sitting on the pavement for a couple of days.

Okay, enough of the science lesson.

Let's learn to pronounce it. For years I pronounced it as 'seh-VEE-shay, which impressed my friends (who tended to pronounce it as 'seh-vitch') but made me look like a moron whenever I ordered it in a spanish restaurant. So I'll spare you the embarrassment the next time you visit a restaurant that serves it and you'll still impress your friends with the correct pronunciation which is: 'seh-Bee-tcheh'. And no, the 'B' is not a typo.

Okay, enough of the linguistics lesson.

Let's talk about it's popularity.

This dish sort of took America by storm starting in the '80's. I'm almost positive that every major metropolitan area has a restaurant named Ceviche. In Peru, the dish is actually an official part of their natural heritage and even has a holiday declared in its honor. Which is like Maker's Mark and Kentucky, where this glorious bourbon elixir is celebrated and savored with abandon on its national holiday, which just so happens to be any day of the week that ends in the letter 'y'.

But before we dig in, remember, it's still basically raw fish, so it should be avoided by those with liver, stomach, or immune disorders. Pregnant women should probably steer clear, too.

For the rest of us? Pass that ice-filled platter of raw oysters and let's start to marinate these scallops.

PREP: 15 minutes    MARINATE: 8 hours or overnight

INGREDIENTS
1/2 pound bay scallops (or tilapia for those who prefer fish)
4 limes, juiced (about 1/2 cup)
1 tomato, diced
3 green onions, minced, including some green
1 stalk celery, thinly sliced
1/4 cup minced green bell pepper
1 ripe mango, peeled, pitted and diced (optional)
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro
Bottled hot sauce to taste (I like Franks)
Sliced avocado and lime to garnish (optional)
Tostadas or salsa chips (optional)

DIRECTIONS
1. Rinse scallops, pat dry and place in a medium sized bowl. Pour lime juice over the scallops so they are completely immersed (use a smaller bowl if necessary). Place in the fridge and marinate until the scallops are opaque (8 hours or overnight).

2. Pour off 1/2 of the lime juice from the bowl. Add the tomatoes, green onions, celery, green bell pepper, mango (if using), parsley, black pepper, olive oil, and cilantro to the scallop mixture. Stir gently. Serve in chilled margarita glasses with a some cilantro on top or even a slice of avocado and lime hanging over the rim. Serve with tostadas or chips if desired.

 

Where's the Beef? Why, Florida of Course!

When you think of the origins of that great steak or beef roast you had the other night, where does your mind wander? To the grazing lands in the shadows of the Rockies? The stockyards of the mid-west? Exotic locales like the Matsusaka region of Japan or the Margaret River region of Western Australia? If it did, no one would blame you. Because these areas are noted for their beef production.

But did you know Florida was right up there with them? Me neither. Until a couple of years ago.

Who would've guessed that Florida is home to four of our country's 10 largest cow/calf ranches? Or that we rank #12 in the nation in the number of beef cows? Heck, nearly half of all of Florida's agricultural land is devoted to beef production. Oh, and these ranchers are excellent caretakers of their land, providing thousands of acres important green space for both wildlife and native plant habitat.

So next time you're heading to Disney, Tampa Bay or Miami, and you find yourself cruising along the interstate or some back road and pass a herd of cattle grazing on a vast expanse of pastureland, remember the important part these ranchers play in both our environment and our diet.

And when you get home, fire up the grill and prepare this Florida feast.

Bon Appetit!

Chef Warren


• FLORIDA BARBEQUE CHUCK ROAST •

Who would’ve thought that this inexpensive cut of meat could turn into a deliciously tender meal? I guess it was up to the early Florida cattlemen. And I’m glad they did. This is similar to barbequed beef brisket but in smaller portions and half the price. The important thing is to slice this very thin - it will make a big difference. Oh, and this will make more than enough for two, so feel free to use the thin slices for sandwiches. Simply reheat slices in a little broth or water so they wont dry out. Feel free to double this recipe for company.

PREP: 15 minutes
MARINATE: 6 - 8 hours
COOK: 2 hours

INGREDIENTS
2 pounds chuck roast
2 teaspoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon oregano
2 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
1/4 cup red wine
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1/4 cup olive or canola oil
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Mild or spicy prepared salsa

DIRECTIONS
1. In a small bowl, combine the chili powder, oregano and garlic. Pierce the meat at intervals with a fork then rub the chili mixture all over. In the same bowl combine the red wine, vinegar, oil, and pepper. Put the meat in a zip lock bag and add the red wine marinade to coat. Refrigerate for 6 - 8 hours.

2. Prepare a grill for indirect heat. Place a drip pan next to the coals. Lightly oil the grate. Remove the meat from the marinade and place it on the grate above the drip pan. Brush the meat with the marinade. Cover the grill and cook the roast slowly, turning from time to time, brushing with reserved marinade, for about 1 to 1-1/2 hours until the roast registers 120° with an instant read thermometer for medium-rare.

3. Remove meat from grill to a platter and cover loosely with tin foil for 15 minutes. Slice very thin and serve with salsa.

Serve with Grilled Corn and Spicy Oven Fries

Making a Difference. One Cookout at a Time.

I wanted to post this earlier, but I didn't want to rain on anyone's Memorial Day cookout.

Including my own.

So I'm posting this now as to give us food for thought for next year.

Maybe it's because I have sons who are 'draft-able'. Or maybe it's because of I have young in-laws who are currently serving our country.

Or maybe it's because I'm simply older and more reflective.

Whatever it is, a friend posted this pic on Facebook and for some reason it hit home for me.

Granted, I love to grill. Especially if I'm given 3 full days to do it. I've even posted numerous grilling recipes over the years. And I will continue to do so. But next year with a difference. And maybe you will too.

In a world where athletes, movie stars, and pop singers pull down more money than the GNP of many nations, it's hard to swallow the fact that our servicemen and women - those who voluntarily put themselves in harm's way for our benefit and (in some cases) for the benefit of those who actually despise them - sometimes have to struggle when they return home.

I often approach those in uniform at the airport, in a restaurant, or downtown and thank them for their service. You might too.

Maybe it's time to do more than just talk. So here's my thought. I hope I can get some buy-in.

At your next backyard Memorial Day shindig, put out a bucket for donations. And let your guests know about it in advance so they can come prepared. The next day, send the proceeds to your non-profit of choice (ie. Wounded Warriors). It works. And it will grow. Here's how I know.

Back when we had a big house, we hosted an annual Blues Brothers party in February. I'd cook up a Chicago blues feast, everyone would come dressed as a character in the movie, my son-in-law and friends would play live blues music, and the piece de resistance would be my son and my good friend Jeff lip-syncing 'Soul Man' to the delight of everyone in attendance (oh…and they were spot on!) We put a bucket out with a sign stating that we were on a mission from God. Each year we'd raise a couple of thousand of bucks for an orphanage in Mexico, Alaska, etc.

I know it's not a lot of money. But hey, what if 10 of us were committed to doing something similar. 100? 1000? 10,000? Now, we're talking serious cash.

This backyard party cost next to nothing (unlike the huge celebrity 'fundraisers' that cost more to produce than they raise…and trust me on that…I was a non-profit fundraiser for 25 years…) and everyone knows exactly where their money is going. And there's no middle man taking a hefty cut.

Better yet? Invite some servicemen and vets from the neighborhood over. Don't fawn. Just thank 'em and offer them a cold beer and a brat.

So, with that in mind, what do you think?

Are you with me?

If so. Whip up some of these brats. They're cheap. Delicious. And together we can pay homage to those who lay down their lives for us.

Bon Appetit!

Chef Warren

MEMORIAL DAY BRATS IN HONOR OF THOSE WHO SERVE

Double, triple or quadruple this. It's all good.

PREP: 10 minutes            COOK: 1 hour



INGREDIENTS


8 good brats. (If you can get them from your butcher, great. If not, Johnsonville is a good national brand.
)
2 Spanish or sweet onions (Vidalia, Walla-Walla) peeled and sliced

6 garlic cloves, minced or crushed

1 teaspoon kosher salt

3 bottles good amber beer - don't bother with lite or cheap beer crap
1/2 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter

8 brat buns

DIRECTIONS


1. Preheat outdoor grill.
2. Melt 6 tablespoons unsalted butter in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add 1/2 an onion and sauté until soft and translucent, about 8 minutes. Add garlic and sauté an addition 2 minutes. Add the brats, salt and beer and bring to a slow boil.
3. Quickly lower heat and simmer for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and let sit, covered.
4. In the meantime, heat remaining butter in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add remaining onion slices and sauté until soft and translucent, about 8 minutes.
5. Remove brats from pot and grill over medium heat until nicely brown, about 10 - 15 minutes.
6. Serve on buns with sautéed onions and plenty of good beer.
7. Put out a bucket for donations.
8. Send donations to non-profit of choice.
9. Repeat every Memorial Day.

Life Lessons from a Frittata (or Broken Eggs and Leftovers)

Do you remember the Egg Toss Game? It's often played at summer camp and Easter picnics. Two lines of people face each other a few feet apart and toss a raw egg back and forth, taking a big step backward with every successful catch. Soon, contestants are 10 or 20 yards apart, a few eggs begin to break, and the number of contestants begin to fade until only a few are left gently tossing eggs across an expanse that would rival some Walmart parking lots until one pair of contestants is left with their unbroken egg.

Of course, there's always one or two clowns that want their eggs to break -- all over their partners. You know these knuckleheads. They either hurl the egg at you like they were pitching for the Mets or they heave back and send it sky high in the hope that you will lose track of it in the sun. Yep, I can almost see you nodding your head. We've all been there.

Sometimes Life can be one of those knuckleheads, too. Just when we need a gently tossed egg to make it through the day, week, or month, Life cocks it's arm and sends the egg screaming right at our faces where the only response it to throw up our arms to block it. Either that or Life hurls it so high we have no hope of catching it intact.

Either way, we have broken eggs.

And what do we often do with those broken eggs? We make do with what we're comfortable with and usually whip up an omelet or a batch of scrambled eggs. Why? Those dishes are easy, familiar, and require little risk.

They can also be quite boring.

It's the same way with leftovers. What do we usually do with leftover spaghetti? We nuke it and have another plate of spaghetti for lunch or dinner the next day. Leftover spinach from a salad? We toss some dressing on it and have another salad. All quite safe. And all quite boring.

When Life is not hurling eggs at us, she might be serving up plate after plate of leftovers instead of something new and challenging, and we settle for it. Why? It's safe and comfortable. I mean, spaghetti is spaghetti, right? When either of those situations happen to us, instead of responding with what's familiar and safe, we may want to re-think things and create a completely brand new dish with those broken eggs and bland leftovers.

I'm learning to.

To change my perspective and explore creative (and risky) options. Will it be messy? Probably. Invigorating? Absolutely.

So, back to the egg toss. When some clown tosses the egg in a way it can only break, instead of whipping up a plain old omelet or scrambled eggs, let's raid the fridge for some leftover pasta, that half can of dice tomatoes, the bowl of sautéed mushrooms, a handful of fresh spinach, or maybe some leftover cooked veggies to create a spectacular frittata.

Will it be messy? Probably.

Delicious? Absolutely.

          • CHEF WARREN'S REFRIGERATOR FRITTATA•

What better way to clean out the fridge than with this creative and delicious frittata. Even though my specialty is cooking for two, we're making this for four because it will taste even better the next day. Especially at room temperature. Oh, and don't worry too much about the measurements. This is a messy and delightful dish that is almost impossible to mess up. Now let's open up that fridge and see what we have.

PREP: 15 minutes            COOK: 25 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons butter
1 small onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
1 clove garlic, minced or pressed
6 eggs
1/4 cup milk or half and half
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 tsp. dried basil, oregano, or thyme
Kosher salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
1 or 2 cups* cooked spaghetti or similar pasta (linguini, fettuccini, angel hair, etc) cut into 2" pieces if desired, but not necessary

From the Fridge:
1/4 to 1/2 cup leftover sautéed mushrooms
1/4 to 1/2 cup diced tomatoes
1/4 to 1/2 cup fresh spinach, torn
1/4 to 1/2 cup leftover cooked veggies (broccoli, squash, zucchini, potatoes, etc)

To Finish:
1 cup shredded Muenster cheese
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (or 1-1/4 cup Parmesan cheese if not using Muenster).

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat broiler to high.

2. In large bowl, beat together eggs with milk, 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, and herb of choice. Fold in fridge ingredients.

3. Heat a cast iron or other oven-safe skillet over medium heat. Add olive oil and butter and swirl to coat. Add onions and sauté until crisp tender, about 5 - 8 minutes. Add garlic and sauté for 1 - 2 minutes.

4. Gently stir onions, garlic and pasta into egg mixture then pour into the skillet. Flatten mixture with a spatula and cook, undisturbed, over medium - heat until bottom is set, about 5 - 8 minutes (lift edge with a spatula at 5 minutes to make sure the bottom is just lightly brown).

5. Sprinkle top with Muenster cheese and Parmesan cheese. Place pan under broiler, about 4"- 5" from heat source, and cook for 5-10 minutes until frittata is puffed, set, and beginning to turn golden brown. Remove from oven and cut into wedges. Can be served immediately or at room temperature.

*The amount of pasta will depend on how much stuff you are adding from the fridge. Use less pasta if you have a lot of fridge ingredients, more pasta if you are not using a lot. Either way, this recipe is almost foolproof!

He's Back...He's Bad...And He Smells Like Garlic

It's been many moons since I wrote my last blog post. Why? Between extensive touring and writing my next book Cooking Outside the Lines - Musings of Extemporaneous Chef, I just didn't have that much time.

Lame excuse, I know.

I'm actually ashamed.

To be honest? I missed our comaraderie. Your comments. Your wise-ass remarks. And your recipe suggestions...

After giving myself a half-dozen dope slaps, I came to my senses and committed myself to writing weekly again (or weakly again, depending on your perspective of my prose..)

So let's open a bottle of wine or two, crush a couple of bulbs of garlic, and enjoy each other's company just like we did in the old days...

Bon Appetit!

              • CHICKEN WITH 40 CLOVES OF GARLIC •

It seems everyone is a little hesitant the first time they prepare this dish. 40 cloves of garlic? Isn’t that a bit much? It seems so on the surface, but you’ll be surprised at how mild the garlic becomes after an hour of cooking. Of course, for the Table for Two version we will not be using 40 cloves. But I bet you’ll increase the amount once you’ve tried this dish.

PREP: 10 Minutes
COOK: 1 Hour

INGREDIENTS

2 chicken legs and 2 thighs
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 head of garlic, separated but unpeeled
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
Salt and pepper to taste
1/4 teaspoon allspice (or cinnamon)
1/3 cup dry white wine or chicken broth

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat the olive oil in a medium Dutch oven over medium heat. Add chicken and cook, turning, until golden brown, about 5 – 10 minutes.

2. Add garlic, parsley, salt, pepper and allspice and sauté for 1 minute. Pour the wine over and toss.

3. Bring mixture to a boil over medium-high heat. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer, undisturbed, until chicken and garlic are tender, about 1 hour.

4. Transfer to a serving plate and serve. Squeeze the garlic cloves and spread over warm and crusty French bread.

Serve with Roasted Red Potatoes and Lemon Pepper Peas.

My New Cookbook Is (almost) Here!!! Now, Let's Make Some Chicken

Perhaps you've heard the rumor that my next cookbook "Table for Two - Back for Seconds" will be coming out this Fall.

Well, the rumor is true. Sort of… See, it all depends on my raising the funds for the production. That's why I launched a Kickstarter Campaign -- a unique way to fund creative projects like mine. Here's how it works:

Project creators like me set a funding goal and deadline. If folks like it, they can pledge money to make it happen. Funding is all-or-nothing. If we reach our goal, the project goes forward. If we don't reach our goal, everyone gets their money back and I have to look into other funding options, like robbing banks.

If you pledge to the campaign you'll also get some pretty cool stuff in return. For instance, with an investment of $25 you'll receive a signed copy of Back for Seconds and an hour-long DVD of one of my shows. That's a $28 value. Invest $50 and you'll get 2 books and 2 DVDs. Invest $700 and I'll come to your home to cook a 4-course gourmet meal for you and your friends!

So let's make this happen, Okay? Click HERE for my Kickstarter video and campaign details. Then spread the word and pledge if you can.

Now, let's eat. Here's a wonderfully quick recipe from the new book. Bon appetit!

CHICKEN SEVILLE

(Chicken with Oranges)

 PREP: 5 minutes                    COOK: 15 minutes

INGREDIENTS

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
Kosher salt and pepper to taste
1/3 cup orange juice
1/3 cup heavy cream (or half & half for a lighter sauce)
1-1/2 teaspoons sherry
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
2 tablespoons butter
1-1/2 teaspoons chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS

1. Place chicken breasts between two pieces of wax paper or plastic wrap and pound to an even thickness of about 1/2-inch. Season with salt and pepper.

2. In a small bowl combine the orange juice, cream, sherry, and ginger.

3. Heat a 10-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the butter and swirl to coat. When the butter begins to bubble, add the chicken breasts and cook until lightly brown, about 2 - 3 minutes per side.

4. Reduce heat to medium-low and stir in orange juice mixture. Continue to cook, turning occasionally, until chicken is opaque throughout but still very moist, about 6 - 8 minutes. Remove chicken to a warm platter, spoon sauce over and sprinkle with parsley.

Serve with Pan Roasted Asparagus and Roasted Red Potatoes.

A Delicious Summer Dinner in Less Than 15 Minutes? You Got It!

The House of Sea and Sun is a delightful bed and breakfast that we've stayed at more than a few times for our anniversary. (Yes, I know, it's just a hop, skip and a jump from where we live in Vilano Beach, but hey, sometimes you don't have to go far to truly get away, eh?). Rooms are cozy and well-appointed and the breakfasts are simple, yet delicious.

On our first we were relaxing at dusk in the big common room that overlooks the beach chatting with the winsome owner, Patty. Soon folks began wandering in with bottles of wine, cheese, smoked meats, and other pre-dinner items. One guy even brought in a pail of fresh mussels (which Patty immediately threw into a big pot with some white wine and garlic.) As conversation and laughter filled the room, I turned to my wife and whispered, "All these people can't be staying here. It's not that big." A man sitting near us replied, "Oh, we don't stay here. We just drop in on the weekends with food and wine."

Yep, it's that kinda place.

This is similar to the dish we had that evening. I prepare it often. Once you try it, I'm sure you will as well. This will serve two hungry diners. All you will need to add is a small tossed salad and lots of French bread to soak up the sauce. Oh, and don't forget the white wine. Lots of it!

Since more and more supermarkets and fish markets are selling cultivated mussels they're generally de-bearded and free of barnacles. This is a good thing for the home cook because a significant amount of time could be spent removing them from the shells.

MUSSELS MARINIÈRE
(Mussels in White Wine)

PREP: 10 minutes            COOK: 5 minutes

INGREDIENTS

2 pounds mussels, cleaned and de-bearded (if necessary*)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 small onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley, divided
1/2 bay leaf
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme
1 cup dry white wine (I prefer Sauvignon Blanc)
2 tablespoon unsalted butter, divided
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

1. Rinse mussels under cold water. If necessary, remove "the beard" (see below).

2. Combine onion, garlic, 2 tablespoons parsley, bay leaf, thyme, wine, 1 tablespoon butter and pepper in dutch oven with a lid. Bring to boil over medium-high heat. Lower heat, and sauté for 2 minutes.

3. Add mussels, and cover. Cook just until shells open, about 5 to 6 minutes. Do not overcook. Remove mussels from sauce, discarding any that have not opened, and place in bowls. Add remaining butter and parsley. Heat until butter melts. Pour over mussels.

*De-bearding mussels: The beard is the small, stringy tuft coming out between the two shells of wild mussels. To remove the beard, grab it and give it a firm pull. The beard should come right off. If not, use a sharp knife or scissors to cut the beard away from the shell.

PS. I'm getting ready to launch the Kickstarter Campaign for my next book, Table for Two - Back for Seconds. Fasten your seatbelt. :-)

235 New Recipes. No, Make That 300.

Many of you may have noticed my absence from the blogosphere.

No posts since, what, April? And even before that it was sporadic.

I confess.

I've been slothful.

But in the words of my favorite stooge: "I'm a victim of circumstance."

Here's why. I had not one...but two books to finish this year. And here's the good news. They're both done!

The first book "Table for Two - Back for Seconds" will be out this September.

(And I'll explain how you can expedite that in my next post.)

The second book is "Cooking Outside the Lines - Musings of an Extemporaneous Chef". It should be out in time for Christmas.


So there you have it. Two books on the way. 300 new recipes. I think it'll make up for my absence here.

I missed you all. But it's good to be back!

Cheers!

Chef Warren

Images that Stick

Some images stick with you because of the story they tell. This is one such image for me. Lord, comfort the wounded, receive the ones who lost their lives, and bless those who leapt into action without seeming to give thought to their own safety.

Make it a Double

I bought a ticket to Paradise but the train broke down near Somewhere. I got off and wandered down a cobblestone street where I found a pub called Possibilities. I stepped up to the bar and ordered a double...

Notes on Dragons, Food, and the Day to Day

I have a good friend with a good job. Nice salary. Benefits. And he does his job well. Life is good.

But he also spends his spare time doing something he really loves. Something that brings joy to peoples' lives. He even made some money off of his hobby. He loved trying to balance the two - His real job and his hobby. Heck. He needed to. With a family and all.

But this week the hammer fell.

His boss called him into his office.

"We think your 'hobby' is detracting from your job."

My friend asked for specifics. (He was doing his job well.)

No specifics were given. But the company detected that there was a percentage of his life that was devoted to something else. Devotion that could be devoted to and sucked up by the company. The company was not satisfied with 100%. They wanted that and more.

It was at that point that my friend began to reconsider. Perhaps his 'hobby' could be, just might be, his job. His calling. After all. He was good at it. People wanted it. And it did make money.

Hmm... What to do. What to do.

I've been in similar situations. I love cooking. I love writing. And I love going from town to town to meet folks like you and spend some time sharing cooking stories. I could do this forever.

But it's not a real job, some folks say. It doesn't quite pay all the bills. And what about the group benefits?

Those folks are dragons.

I read some good fiction today. And in doing so, it seemed the dragons with their accusations and doubts faded from my mind.

Cuz in the wise and winsome words of G.K. Chesterton: “Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”

So tomorrow I'm gonna cook a great meal for folks visiting from out of town. 

Then I'm going to write another chapter in my upcoming cookbook. 

And as if that wasn't enough, I'm going to book another gig at a food and wine fest up north.

Why?

Cuz it's time to beat those dragons down.

What dragon will you beat down this week?

Let me know...

Christmas in Times Square

Okay. I had to speak up. Many of you have probably have seen this pic.

Some folks paid a ton of money to buy this spot to convey their message to the masses. Hey, it's a free country and I can roll with that. But when I look at the orphanages, hospitals, soup kitchens, and worship spaces endowed with pure beauty created by the so-called 'myth-makers'?

Hell, where to I sign up?

And here's why: Cuz it's only in those wild and joyful orphanages, hospitals, soup kitchens and churches that I will truly experience the 'merry'.

I love serving a good meal to everyone. Especially if they may not find one anywhere else.

Who's with me?

Why Evil?

Man, just after I post something on Facebook asking if the darkness can get any darker, some guy forces himself into an elementary school with some semi-automatics and wreaks mind-numbing havoc.

Some pundits will chalk it up to more gun control and some will assign it to mental illness. But hey…maybe we should own up to the fact that evil exists in our world. And some people are just, well, evil. No excuses and no government action will change that fact.

A friend posted a quote from Mr. Rogers. You know him. The guy from the Neighborhood. Went something like this: "As a child whenever I saw something horrific on TV my mom would say, 'Yes, but look at all the helpers."
That, folks, is pretty deep. Sure, we had an evil young man gun down innocent kids and adults.

But look at all the helpers.

Teachers who shielded kids. Dozens, of cops swooping into harms way (hell, they didn't know what to expect). State troopers screaming in. Helicopters hovering. The FBI. Priests, ministers, rabbis stepping up. Neighbor embracing neighbor….

One evil man dented the goodness of our world. And hundreds…no thousands of people responded with their own goodness. One evil man. Thousands of helpers...

To anyone who asks "Why is their evil in the world?" I have to ask "Why is there so much more goodness?"

What's Better Than Cheap? How Bout Free.

Okay.

I'd always determined not to sell my crap on my blog.

But this is different. It's FREE.

That's right. Free. This Wednesday and Thursday Amazon will be giving away free copies of my romantic-comedy-adventure novel Dive and Fly to anyone who owns a Kindle.

Don't have a Kindle, you say? Not to worry, you can use the Kindle Cloud to download it to your Mac, PC and other devices (It's what I do since I don't own a Kindle yet.)

So there you have it. If you are looking for a great beach read and you don't want to spend any cash, this would be a great opportunity for both of us.

Why? Because the book will hopefully bring a smile and more than a few laughs to you...and if you like it...you might feel moved to write a review on Amazon or post about it on your blog, Facebook page, twitter, etc.

And if you don't like it? Well...you can always rip the pages out and use them to wrap fish or house train that new puppy.

But don't take it from me...here's one review (and no...we are not related):


"Looking for Summertime reading? Dive and Fly is it! From the moment I read the opening paragraph I was totally hooked - the characters are a blast, the story line never slows down and its just so well written that if feels easy to read. Taking place in Florida adds to the summertime-read feeling of this great fiction. Grab this book. It belongs in your beach bag - you will love it!"

So check it out this Wednesday and Thursday here: Amazon.

On Friday I will be back and dishing out my regular servings of blog buffoonery.

Thanks for indulging. See you on Friday!

Warren

If Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

...Then ya'll should be head over heels with me by now!

I know, I know. I made a promise to post weekly.

And lately I haven't.

But in the immortal words of Curly Howard (of Three Stooges fame): "I'm a victim of coicumstance."

See...I have been writing. A lot. Just not here.

Lemme explain.

I've had a novel in the works. A romantic-comedy-adventure. It's called Dive and Fly. But it sorta sat around. Then my cookbook started to do really well. So the publisher asked me to get the novel together for editing. I did. It's what I've been doing for the past few months. Tweaking. Re-writing. Deleting. And rewriting some more. Now it's out...

I know. A lame excuse for shrugging off my blog. But I think it was worth it.

Intrigued? I hope so. Dive and Fly is available on Kindle for free if you are a Prime Member. (Otherwise it is $2.99). The paperback has been discounted to $9.37 on both Amazon Here and Barnes & Noble Here. Hopefully you will add it to your summer reading list.

Heck. What am I saying? Why don't you be the judge? Here's the synopsis:

"Imagine…You were born with a rare condition. Synesthesia. You taste color. You feel sound. Now imagine how that would impact your job. Your love life. Your future.

Billy Shakes is a successful writer whose synesthesia helped him create six killer novels. But he has hit a slump so his agent urges him to get out and take his ‘disease’ on the road. Take some risks. Get those creative juices flowing again. He does.

Billy meets Maureen at a Florida film festival, and to Billy her shimmering bronze skin tastes of crème brûlée. But the barely married Maureen tastes adventure. Since they share a love for movies, Billy suggests a weekend trip to the Chicago Film Festival. Thus begins a kaleidoscope of events involving Maureen’s brutish husband, a feisty best friend, a deadbeat fiancé, two inept hit men, an alcohol-infused Scientist, a riot grrrl with a penchant for large automatic weapons…Oh, and Eden, an old friend with her own mysterious condition who longs to take a few risks herself.

Through a series of missteps, close calls and mistaken identities, this dysfunctional group ricochets off one another as they storm into Chicago. After causing a near riot at the Art Institute, Billy and Eden find themselves poised on the edge of the roof. As a dozen security guards rush toward them with guns ablaze, Billy and Eden are forced to take one last risk - with wondrous and surprising results."

But hey...I don't blog to sell my crap. So if you'd like a good beach read and you don't have a lot of spare change, I have a few advanced reader's copies on hand. I'd love to send you one for free. And if you like it? Spread the word or write a review. Post your e-mail address here or e-mail me at wwcaterson@gmail.com and I will send 'em them as long as I have 'em.

But either way...more blog buffoonery is coming. Thanks for being patient!

Pass the Salt. No, Really.

I've been in a state of transition over the past few weeks what with moving back to the beach and all. And with the upheaval, I'm finding that I have to eat out more than I like too (for those who are new…I'm not a big fan of dining out. See blog post http://bit.ly/dHnzez). But it's not always the wait staff that frustrates me. It's the incredible amount of salt that many restaurants hide in their dishes.

Somewhere, somehow, in our drive to eat healthier: low fat, low carb, slow food, etc. we've seemed to have lost our way regarding salt. It appears that restaurants are placating our desire to eat low fat/low carb foods with items that deliver.

But with a price.

And that price is sodium.

That's why I title this post "Pass the Salt". Because that's what I want you to do. Pass it. Right by me. I won't be needing to add any to many of the offerings I find in my local restaurants.

Let me explain.

Subway has ensconced itself in our psyche as being one of the places to pick up a quick and healthy meal. And to a good extent they've succeeded with several sandwiches and wraps. Now they offer breakfast. And since we're convinced through spokespeople like Jared and Apolo that their offerings are wholesome, why not skip Mickey D's and head over to Subway for their appetite-satisfying Foot Long Mega Omelet Sandwich. Sounds good, eh? But wait…

This particular b'fast sandwich packs 1,430 calories, 90 grams of fat, and 3,530 milligrams of salt. Well, we all know how those 1,430 calories fit into a 2,500 calorie diet. And we know how those 90 grams of fat fit into a diet that recommends 50 - 70 grams of fat: with a crowbar. But how much is 3,530 mgs of salt? Well…that's over 1-1/2 teaspoons.

When was the last time you poured 1-1/2 teaspoons of salt on anything, let alone a sandwich?

Okay. Forget breakfast. Let's grab some lunch.

Stir fry sound good? Oh yeah!

How about PF Chang's Beef and Broccoli? Think about it: thin strips of beef and broccoli stir-fried to perfection. Wait. Hold on. This dish packs 1,090 calories and 65 grams of fat. Okay, we might be aware that many restaurant food choices tip the scale in the calorie and fat department. Even if it's stir-fried. But this dish also contains 3,752 mg's of sodium - A tad more than the b'fast we just passed up!

So, forget lunch. How bout a salad for dinner? I hear Chili's has a Boneless Buffalo Chicken Salad to die for. That would be better than a slab of ribs or a burger, eh?

Think again.

While this salad boasts chicken, it's far from healthy. Why? It packs 1,110 calories and 79 grams of fat. But here's the kicker: 4,150 mg's of sodium. That's nearly 2 teaspoons! Let me ask you, when you make a salad at home, do you even consider tossing 2 teaspoons of salt into each bowl?

I didn't think so.

But here's the surprising thing. None of these dishes taste really "salty". This is why folks smarter than me call it "hidden salt".

Oh…and you know that little packet of ketchup you get at McDonalds? The one that just may coat three or four fries? Well, that little baby packs nearly as much salt as the order of fries you just purchased. And who uses just one small packet of ketchup on their fries?

Now you know why I don't dine out often.

However, I love the spirit of community, the shared drinks, and the good conversation that a night out provides.

So now I go light on the food. And the most salt I get is from the rim of my margarita glass. And if I'm in an Irish pub I pass on the margarita and order a Guinness or Smithwicks. I still have a great night out and I don't return home resembling a salt lick.

Cinco De Mayo But Hold The Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! While not the largest south-of-the border celebration - that would probably be Dieciséis de Septiembre (Mexico's Independence Day) - Cinco de Mayo sure is a lot easier to pronounce if you happen to be a non-Spanish speaker. Especially after a few margaritas.

Cinco de Mayo commemorates the victory of the outnumbered Mexican Militia over the French Army at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Brave Mexican warriors entered the fray shouting their three-fold battle cry “Viva Mexico!” (translated: Long live Mexico) while the French, sensing impending defeat responded with a battle cry of their own, “Oh non pas encore!” (translated: Oh no, not again).

Interestingly enough, Cinco de Mayo is pretty much a regional holiday in Mexico and is primarily celebrated in the state of Puebla. In the United States, however, it has fast become a major holiday celebration throughout much of the country. Of course, Americans are always open to new ethnic expressions of celebration – especially if a lot of drinking is involved. Which is one reason why Congress just recently recognized Reddition Française (French Surrender Day), which may be celebrated any day when you have too much beer in the fridge.

But back to Cinco de Mayo. Festival Broadway is considered the primo Cinco de Mayo celebration in the world. This event, held in an eleven block area of downtown Los Angeles, welcomes over half a million people where shouts of “Viva Mexico! (Long live Mexico), “Dios bendice México” (God bless Mexico), and “Averigüe los nuevos rines en mi Cívico!” (Check out the new rims on my Civic) fill the air.

In Scottsdale, Arizona, the Rawhide Wild West Town has celebrated Cinco de Mayo with an annual running of the bulls. However, this may be a dying tradition. According to spokesperson Gimpy Delgado, the rates for Goring by Bull insurance have skyrocketed since the unfortunate death in Pamplona last year when a 30-year-old tourist was gored in the throat. Especially so since the man was taking a shower in his hotel room at the time.

Not to be outdone by the event in Scottsdale, the town of Chandler hosts the Running of the Chihuahuas. This cultural classic features over 150 pint-sized dogs racing for the ultimate canine prize: a tasty biscuit and a pat on the head. While not as dangerous as her sister event in Scottsdale, the Running of the Chihuahuas does produce a number of nipped ankles and more than a few humped legs.

And in San Diego, you can down your share of margaritas at the Cinco de Mayo Zonkey Fest where the Zonkey – a small pony that looks like a donkey and is painted with zebra stripes – holds court. I don’t know about you, but it seems to me the idea of painting zebra stripes on a pony could only have been hatched during a previous margarita-soaked Cinco de Mayo celebration.

So…how are you celebrating Cinco de Mayo? Me? With a cooler full of Dos Equis, a pitcher of margaritas, and a platter of homemade fish tacos. Hold the mayo.

CLASSIC FISH TACOS

PREP: 10 minutes                    COOK: 5 minutes

INGREDIENTS

1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup beer
1/4 cup plain yogurt
1/4 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1/2 jalapeno pepper (or habernero for more heat), minced
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon dried cumin
1/4 teaspoon dried dill
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
pinch white pepper
1/2 pound tilapia, cut into ½-inch strips
4 corn tortillas
1/4 head read cabbage, finely shredded
1 – 2 cups canola oil (enough to cover your pan by 1-inch)

DIRECTIONS

1. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, beer and salt. Mix until smooth.

2. In another medium bowl, combine the yogurt, mayonnaise and lime juice. Gradually stir in the peppers, oregano, cumin, dill, cayenne, and white pepper.

3. Add oil to medium skillet to a depth of 1-inch and heat over medium-high heat.

4. Dredge the fish pieces in the flour mixture and then into the batter. Add pieces to skillet a few at a time and fry until crisp and lightly brown, a couple of minutes per side. Remove and drain on paper towels.

5. Lightly fry the tortillas until just beginning to crisp. Remove to paper towel.

6. Slather sauce on each tortilla, add fish and top with shredded cabbage.

Ten Irish Facts, a Hot Bowl of Beer and Cheese Soup, and Why the World Will Never Run Out of Guinness

In honor of St. Patrick, whose name I humbly bear as my saint name, I offer these valuable Irish facts and a recipe for a traditional Irish soup. Now let's raise a glass and toast our forefathers and mothers - those saints and sinners who brought so much inspiration and laughter to our lives. And even if you don't have a drop of Irish blood in you, we are all Irish every March 17th.

Slainte'!

TEN IRISH FACTS WE ALL WOULD DO WELL TO REMEMBER

1. Legend has it that St. Brendan discovered America 1,000 years before Columbus. Legend also has it that when he arrived at 10 am and saw that the pubs were not open yet, he turned ship and headed back to Ireland.

2. The Seven Celtic Nations are: Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Isle of Man, Cornwall, Brittany, and Galicia. For nearly 100 years South Boston has petitioned to be included, but that would've meant re-printing all the Seven Celtic Nations t-shirts, posters, flags and other stuff, so it never really gained traction.

3. The phrase "tying the knot" originated in Ireland and referred to the ancient marriage custom of "handfasting". It has nothing to do with what randy newlyweds may do when presented with a four-poster bed and a handful of neckties.

4. Just a few years ago there were more Polish folks in Ireland than there were native Irish. That this occurred because Ireland had a surplus of vowels and was running low on consonants is purely speculative.

5. One of the largest and most famous festivals in the world starts on St. Patrick's Day, March 17th when over 500,000 people line the streets of Dublin to watch the St. Patty's Day Parade. Then they will flood the local pubs to carry on the celebration, which will continue uninterrupted until March 16th of the following year.

6. There are over 36 million United States residents with Irish ancestry. That's nearly 12% of the population. However, if one were to count just the beer and whisky drinkers, those with an Irish ancestry make up 127% of the population.

7. Ireland's top star in the sport of hurling is Sean Og O'Hailpin who plays for the County Cork Team. America's top star in hurling is Danny "The Whale" O'Shannon from Chicago. You can catch Danny in action every Friday night down at Schaller's Pump. For the best hurling, wait until after 11 pm when he has already downed a couple of pints of Smithwick's and a few burgers.

8. The Irish Academy of Engineers recommends that an under-sea tunnel be built to link Ireland and Wales. They envision trains running at speeds of 150 mph between Rosslare and Fishguard, Wales. Currently, there is no financial backer for such a project mainly because they have yet to figure out why anyone from Ireland would want to visit Wales.

9. The tallest identical twins ever born (7ft 2in) were the Brothers Knipe from Magherafelt, County Derry in 1761. However, due to their size, one Knipe brother was born in March while the other was born sometime in late April.

10. Why the world will never run out of Guinness: the original Guinness Brewery in Dublin has a 9,000 year lease on its property and they pay an annual rate of 45 Irish pounds a year, which is about 75 bucks in US dollars.

TRADITIONAL IRISH CHEESE AND BEER SOUP

While corned beef, colcannon and Irish stew take top food billing at most St. Patty's Day celebrations. One can't go wrong with this hearty soup made with sharp Cheddar cheese and a bottle or two of Harps. Or as we Irish like to call it: Breakfast.

This will serve about six. Face it. It's too good not to share with friends.

Prep:  15 minutes        Cook: 25 minutes

INGREDIENTS

2 leeks (white and pale green parts only) or onions cut into 1/4-inch dice (2 cups)
2 carrots cut into 1/4-inch dice (1 cup)
2 celery ribs, cut into 1/4-inch dice (1 cup)
2 teaspoons finely chopped garlic
1 bay leaf
4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1/2 stick)
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
2 cups whole milk (or half and half for a creamier soup)
1-3/4 cups chicken broth
1 (12-oz) bottle of Harps (or Smithwick's for a nuttier taste)
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 lb extra-sharp Cheddar, grated (4 cups)
4 bacon slices (to garnish
Chopped parsley (to garnish)


DIRECTIONS

1. Wash leeks in a bowl of cold water to remove any grit then drain.

2. Melt butter in a dutch oven over medium heat. Add leeks, carrots, celery and bay leaf and sauté until vegetables begin to soften, about 6 - 8 minutes. Add garlic and sauté for 2 additional minutes.

3. Meanwhile, cook bacon in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until nicely crisp. Let cool a bit then crumble and reserve.

5. Reduce heat to medium-low and sprinkle flour over vegetables, then cook, stirring occasionally, 3 minutes. Slowly add milk, broth, and beer in and whisk until it simmers. Continue to simmer (adjust heat accordingly) for 5 minutes, whisking occasionally.

6. Stir in Worcestershire sauce, mustard, salt, and pepper. Add cheese by handfuls, stirring constantly, and cook until cheese is melted, around 3 - 4 minutes (do not boil). Discard bay leaf.

Ladle into warm bowls and sprinkle with chopped bacon and parsley.

If I Didn't Have to Spend My Hard Earned Cash on Stupid Things Like Food and Shelter, I'd Buy All This Cool Kitchen Gear

Have you ever had a summer bash or cookout where you had more thirsty guests than you had bottles of cold brewskis? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "beer run" strategy).

Or have you ever ended the month with more bills than had money to pay them? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "bounced check" strategy).

I didn't think so.

So we should approach this next topic as purely hypothetical.

There's a lot of cool kitchen gear out there. And I'm not talking about top-of-the-line KitchenAid mixers or Viking Gas stoves or even that thirty-seven piece All Clad cookware set you've been drooling over ever since your neighbor auctioned off a kidney and purchased one.

Not that this stuff isn't cool. It is.

No, what I'm talking about is the *really* cool kitchen gear. Cool as in what would Anthony Stark (from Iron Man) have in his kitchen given his financial horsepower and quirky sense of humor.

I'm talking the kind of stuff I would buy if I didn't have to waste all of my hard earned cash on stupid things like food, clothes and shelter.

I'm talking ultra-cool stuff like this:

Electric Spaghetti Twirler

Who has time to twirl spaghetti? I don't. That's why I'd buy this electric spaghetti twirler. Load it up with a couple of AAA batteries and you're good to go. (I hear it's also good for cleaning the lint out of your navel and the wax out of your dog's ears).

Herb Scissors

Snipping and chopping herbs is another huge waste of time. With these babies you can blast right through this menial chore. This gadget would also be great for cutting the kids' hair. You can get done in 1/4 of the time, which will give you more time to enjoy your:

Kernal Cutter

At first glance, this appears to be a real time saver. But to me, this looks downright scary to have around the house. Especially if your wife gets ticked off real easy. I think I'd rather have a loaded weapon lying around than one of these babies. Maybe something along the lines of:

The BA-K-47

Made of pure bacon, this semi-automatic weapon is perfect for warding off trespassers, burglars, and those pesky vegetarians who just cannot shut up about the glories of their chosen diet.

So...if you had the financial horsepower of Tony Stark, what cool things would you add to your kitchen?

Don't You Go and Give Me Any Sauce, 'Cuz Child, I Got Sauce That's Older Than You.

Some things improve with age. I'm thinking about things like scotch, blue jeans, baseball mitts, and most wines.

Some things do not. Like bread, lettuce, Silly Putty, or my ability to impress beautiful women.

But there is one item that definitely will improve with age: Chinese Looing Sauce.

This sauce was created over 2000 years ago and is used to braise a wide variety of meats. Technically, this is called a Master Sauce but in some culinary corners it is referred to as a Loo Shui Sauce. I prefer to call it Looed Sauce. Mainly because it sounds so weird.

You can use this sauce to braise chicken (see below), pork, beef or lamb (but never seafood).

And the best part? The more you use it, the better it gets. Just be sure to skim the fat and re-fresh the ingredients every now and then. After each use, freeze, then bring to a boil before using again. Some Master Sauces in China are over 100 years old and are passed down from generation to generation.

Below I've included a recipe for "Chicken in Master Sauce". Of course, when I serve it to guests I prefer to call it by its other name: "Looed Chicken". I always love to see the look on their faces. Oh, and for the record, my looing sauce is over 20 years old (yet another point I mention to get rise out of my guests.) I hope to pass it on down to my grandkids someday.

INGREDIENTS

2 cups water
2 cups soy sauce
1/2 cup rice wine or dry sherry (not so-called "cooking wine")
5 slices peeled fresh ginger
2 cloves garlic, peeled
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 whole star anise pods
1/2 stick cinnamon
1 pound chicken wing pieces or thighs

DIRECTIONS

Bring all the ingredients to a boil in dutch oven over high heat. Add the wings and reduce heat to low. Simmer for about 20 minutes. Serve wings hot or at room temperature. Freeze sauce until next use.

Serve with steamed white rice.