Sunday, January 2, 2011

9 New Year's Food Resolutions Everyone Should Make

New Year resolutions are as American as apple pie. We all make them. We all break them. Here are 9 resolutions that just may be do-able - especially so if you plant your tongue firmly in cheek. Enjoy! 

Eat more fruits and vegetables. Studies from the American Heart Association show that a diet high in fruits and vegetables may result in a higher ingestion of fruits and vegetables. This, I'm assuming, is probably a good thing. Unless, of course, you happen to be a carrot or a pineapple. (Or heaven forbid, a tomato. At which point you may lose out on both counts.)

Never order anything off the menu that says "Big Ass." Restaurant menu options that use the qualifier "Big Ass" are, in all probability, not good choices for a healthy lifestyle. This includes popular crowd-pleasing items such as Hardee's "Big Ass Bacon Swiss Mushroom Burger," Pizza Hut's "Big Ass Meat Lovers Three Cheese Pizza," Chili's "Big Ass Bottomless Bowl of Twice-Fried Wings," and Le Bernardin's "Big Ass Caviar-Wagyu with Black Pepper-Vodka Crème Frâiche and Pomme Gaufrette."

Do not wear raw meat. Even though Lady Gaga pulled it off at this year's MTV Video Awards, wearing raw meat as a fashion statement is not going to win over many fans. Unless, of course, you are courting the canine constituency of industry voters. I haven't seen so many Dobermans hovering around an awards show since Gary Coleman wore that fire hydrant outfit to the Golden Globes back in '97. (Memo to self: Return the pepperoni socks that you bought yourself for Christmas from Don's Fresh Meats and Western Haberdashery.)

Buy organic. A recent article in the National Journal of Health suggests that those who eat organically tend to live not only healthier lives but happier ones as well. Therefore, they strongly recommend that we should all be more organic. No, wait. I thought that said orgasmic. Never mind.

Cut back on salt. Yes, I know you love salt; we all do. But as you get older you will need to cut back. So for goodness sake, regardless of how strong the urge is, try to refrain from getting down on your hands and knees and licking the salt off the sidewalks this winter.

Buy local. Hopping in the old sedan and driving out to Omaha to pick up some nice rib eyes, or across country to Salinas Valley to pick up a couple of heads of lettuce is not only time intensive, but with the cost of gasoline topping $3 a gallon, may not be economically feasible at this time. You should buy all of these items down the road at Costco.

Eat more garlic. A 2009 study by the Lucy Berkoff Medical Foundation shows that people who eat one to two heads of garlic every day have a lower incidence of cancer and heart disease. This study also shows that these same people are usually forced to sit by themselves in most social situations. Since my twisted sense of humor usually forces me to sit by myself in most social situations anyway, this one is a no-brainer.

Save the bones for Henry Jones 'cuz Henry don't eat no meat. I learned this little ditty growing up outside New York City in the early 60's. It was sound wisdom then. It is sound wisdom now. I mean, what else are you planning to do with your leftover bones?

Drink more water.  The Mayo Clinic suggests that we strive to drink at least 6 eight-ounce glasses of water each day for optimal health. The International Scotch-Whiskey Society suggests that we strive to mix that water with a decent scotch for optimal taste.

Here's hoping that you have a happy and healthy New Year!

Warren

68 comments:

  1. Great resolutions Warren! Do dishes in the US really get called 'Big Ass...."?? Unbelievable!!

    Happy New Year!

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  2. It makes sense to me that the older I get, I should be looking for foods with large quantities of preservatives in them

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  3. @Fiona. Thanks, Fiona. But I must admit, I took some poetic license with the Big Ass theme. :-) Neither Hardees, Pizza Hut or Chili's feature Big Ass items on their menu (but they might as well should). As far as Le Bernardin? Not sure. I'm not able to even set foot in the joint. LOL.

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  4. @ Bobs My Uncle. Great point, John. Us geezers need all the help we can get! :-)

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  5. Nice resolutions! I love salt way too much...I try to cut back, but it never works...Good luck!

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  6. @Judy. Thanks for dropping in! I'm trying to cut back on salt, too. At least I've weaned myself from licking it off icy sidewalks (course moving to Florida helped with that). Now if I can just refrain from licking the salt of those huge soft pretzels they serve at ball games when the vendor isn't looking... :-)

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  7. Thanks for the reminders Warren. Things we all should know but sometimes need a little nudge in the right direction. Happy New Year!

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  8. @Nancy and Vijay. And a Happy New Year to you as well!

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  9. Love your list of resolutions! Will be following along with your blog for sure :)

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  10. @Stay At Home Chef: Thanks, Jasmine. You're always welcome to pull up a chair. :-) BTW, the recap of your 2010 resolutions at www.cookthatbook.com show that your resolutions are even more do-able than mine. (Hint to everyone - check out her page. She's a great writer).

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  11. Resolutions that are actually doable! What a great list. The "big ass" one made me think of a restaurant called Fatz that we have in the south...I can only imagine who eats at places like that. Can't say I haven't been tempted to try it, though!

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  12. @Sarah. A restaurant called 'Fatz'? Only here in the south. Gotta love it!

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  13. Hey Warren. I like your resolutions, I'm going to send them to my family in Georgia (especially my Dad and Grandmother). I guess I should go ahead and take back my pair of pepperoni socks too :(

    Happy New Year!

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  14. I love your resolutions!! You crack me up! :)

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  15. @Jenne'. Thanks! You have the socks too? Are we part of a trend1? LOL

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  16. Great goals for 2011! I'm still working on mine from 2010, but it is an ever growing goal- eat real food.

    We do alright at it, planting a garden, buying meat from the local market, and chicken eggs from my mom, but it still is a challenge time and again!

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  17. @ib. Thanks for dropping by! If you nail half of your resolutions, you will inspire me! Take care!

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  18. This made me LOL; thanks.
    As for bones - I try to give them to my dog if I can do so BEFORE cooking (raw bones are great for a dog's teeth).
    If I have leftover bones, I try to use them in stocks.
    There used to be a bar in Tempe, AZ (home of ASU, my alma mater) that hosted Bis Ass Beer Night. We mourned this bar's closing.

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  19. @Allison. Glad it brought a smile! Big Ass Beer Night? No wonder you mourned the bar's passing. lol.

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  20. Oh dang! All great suggestions for resolutions: I already do many of them (eat more fruits & veggies, cut down on salt, buy organic and local, drink more water) but I was really looking forward to getting in shape to sport that steak bikini my husband got me ;) Happy New Year, Warren!

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  21. @She's Cookin'. Steak bikini? Where did he get that? I want one! Um...not for me...for a friend...lol

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  22. @She's Cookin'. Oh, and a Happy New Year to you as well, Priscilla!

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  23. Cute Warren...as always I love your great sense of humor. I'm totally *there* with Allison on the use of raw bones for my dogs and making broth with all the rest (lots of it this time of year - got the Christmas turkey carcass in the crockpot at this minute). And if you switch from nasty tasting junk table salt to real salt (realsalt.com - not affiliated, LOL!) you could afford to cut back a little less. I'm just saying.....

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  24. @Lisa. Thanks, Lisa. And yes, I think you and Allison are on to something with the leftover bones. I think I'll give it a try. That is, if Henry is not in town. :-)

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  25. This is brilliant Warren! What a great way to kick off a New Year (and you were right about the doggie bag!)

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  26. @Leanne: Thanks! I try to post weekly so be sure to pull up a chair anytime. We always have room around this table. :-) Take care!

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  27. On the Organic comment. My husband and I were in Hawaii a few years ago and he nearly ran off the road, did a turn around not too long after because he had SWORN the store said, "Peaceful Orgasmic" and instead it said organic. He was so disappointed:) Your blog is awesome, btw!

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  28. @MsByn. LOL! I can relate. I can't tell you how many times I've nearly run off the road thinking of the same thing. :-) I guess that's why God created guardrails!

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  29. Awesome list. The Big Ass restriction was hysterical. ;)

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  30. @briarrose. Thanks! Here's hoping I don't get my big ass sued off for posting my Big Ass suggestions! LOL.

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  31. I don't usually like to make them because I break them if I make them at the first of the year. I start by planning in September, officially starting my new goal in October so by January I am either in full swing or changed my mind. So I have a better chance at success for the new year! I will make an exception and follow your advice because I think it's good stuff. Especially NOT ordering anything with the name "Big Ass" unless that's what I'm going for...

    Thank you for sharing this! I hope you are having a good start of the year Warren!

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  32. @tryanythingonce. Thanks, Dionne! I figured these resolutions were do-able. :-)

    Oh, and: "Especially NOT ordering anything with the name "Big Ass" unless that's what I'm going for..."? Love it!

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  33. Those are some great food resolutions! I'm thinking of leaving the "big ass" choices behind too ;)

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  34. @Christina. I appreciate that, Christina! Figured you'd enjoy a little sumpin' sumpin' too! LOL.

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  35. That's a long resolution list! Buy local, for sure, eat more garlic? DEFINITELY! LOL
    Angie

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  36. @Angie's Recipes. Yep, a little long but I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  37. It's a great list. I struggle with the buying local. In my remote high desert AZ town, there are few things that grow except cactus, antelope and lizards. However, the rest of the list are things I try hard to do.

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  38. Great post! I must learn to cut back on my salt intake, really. I'm following u now both @ Google & Network Blogs & hope u'll do the same.

    Looking fwd to your comments @ Luxury Indulgence!

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  39. I do not agree with your resolution DO NOT WEAR MEAT. What about the cannibals? They are a new category of foodies, aren't they? See, I have black humour :) but seriously speaking your resolutions are very wise and I practically follow most of them.

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  40. Thank's for the tips. Since we review the greasy small town Iowa restaurants the "Big Ass" food idea made me laugh a little as I really do see that on many menus! Good luck with the resolutions!

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  41. @Ivy. Ah, the cannibal contingent. How could I have forgotten them?! LOL. Thanks for dropping by, Ivy.

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  42. @Appetizing Adventures. As I wandered through your blog and the joints you review, I figured that you had probably come across more than a few "Big Ass" menu items. LOL.

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  43. Warren this was hilarious! I love, yours is definitely a daily read! Thanks so much for the smiles :)

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  44. Thanks, Laurie. I try to post weekly so be sure to stop by often. Take care!

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  45. what a great resolution list. I already do some of them eat fruits & veggies (no meat), cut down on salt, buy organic and local, drink lots of water but i should start exercising more more more often :))

    best wishes,
    Roxana

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  46. Hi Warren, Thanks for the friendship add on Food Buzz, now following you back! I love all of these tips that you gave for the new year. Making a pork tenderloin roast this weekend from Giada's cookbook, but I think it needs some tweaking here and there. Please stop over to my blog get-together today and this weekend and add this or anything else that you are doing to clean/freshen up your life and/or lifestyle whether food-related or whatever. Thanks, Roz at La Bella Vita

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  47. @GreenGirl. Way to go! And remember: try not to wear raw meat, regardless of what the pop divas are doing. LOL

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  48. @bella. Glad you stopped by and had a laugh. I just got in but I'm heading over to your blog now. See you there!

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  49. Great post and resolutions, Warren! Will be stopping by often for some laughs!!

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  50. @Kristy. Thanks! Glad these resolutions brought a smile. I try to post weekly so, yes indeed, stop by often. I'll save you a seat. :-)

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  51. Oh that was a real fun read!! I promise not to mix my special scotch in those glasses of water ;) Better late than never! Happy new Year Warren :) You go directly on my Blogroll :D

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  52. What a great list and a nice way to put it. Subliminally, you added there a good laugh is good to be healthy too. Way to go! Have an awesome year :)

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  53. @wordflux. Thanks! And I'm all about sneaking a few laffs in subliminally. After all, it's often those hidden laffs that keep us sane. lol

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  54. You are very optimistic, such a long list!! I totally agree with your New Year Resolutions though :-)Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us Warren.

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  55. oh, this was really funny. You are right, these resolutions are totally American! I don't believe in them. But yours are acceptable. For sure you will not break them. :)))))))

    Brindusa @ Cooking with my soul

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  56. @ Dreamsofcakes. Thanks, Eftychia. You think this list was long? Ha. You shoulda seen the original. But one of my other resolutions was to not create long lists, so I pared this one down to single digits. At least I fulfilled one of my new resolutions! LOL

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  57. @ Brindusa. Glad you stopped by - I just hope that these resolutions don't give the impression that most Americans need these resolutions. I mean, most of us don't wear raw meat. That's particularly true during Lent when many religious Americans give up meat. (Although I hear those restrictions are being eased in some denominations. Why just last year I saw a rather progressive priest sporting a cincture made of beef jerky, but that was probably an anomaly...lol).

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  58. The raw meet got me. So why is it that food bloggers can not limit themselves to one resolution.

    PS adding more garlic is way to easy;-)

    Some of my resolutions were the same.

    My resolutions --http://threemealsaday.com/index.php/2011/01/01/stuarts-2011-cooking-goals/

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  59. Adding garlic *is* always easy! lol. Loved your resolutions as well - much more do-able! :-)

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  60. I was laughing all the way from Tip 2! Good advice and great delivery!

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  61. @BakingWithoutABox. Thanks, Amanda! Please feel free to drop by anytime. There's always something cooking and there's always enough. PS. If no one answers when you knock, the key is under the mat. Make yourself at home. :-)

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  62. I truly enjoyed this read! Great entry, Warren! To be honest I had no idea that such a thing as 'big ass' meal existed! :D

    Drinking water is easy to me but I'm not ready for a version of gin water?!

    Cheers! ;-)

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  63. @Sarah. Thanks for stopping by! Gin water? Now there's an idea! Take care!

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  64. LOL great resolutions! Thanks for the laugh to start my Monday morning off right. :)

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  65. @Sarah. Glad it brought a smile! Feel free to drop by often, I try to post weekly. I'll be sure to save you a seat. :-)

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  66. Those are useful tips, really informative. Thanks for sharing. Great post!

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