Restaurants You Might Visit Just So You Could Steal Something With Their Name on It

As you may already know, I've been traveling around the state of Florida meeting new folks and taking in the local cuisine. In doing so, I'm often tickled by some of the names of the restaurants I come across.

Some are classy, some are creative, and some are just downright clueless.

Since I always carry a pen and scratch pad with me in the car (for those rare times when I have an idea worth keeping) I started jotting down some of the more unusual restaurant names to share with you. I even included the cities in case you want to drop by and filch a menu or mug when you're in the neighborhood.

Chinee Takee Outee (Jacksonville)  I love Chinese food and I love any restaurant whose name invokes the mysteries of the orient. This little dive certainly does because it's a mystery as to why any sane restaurateur would pay good money to set up a joint and then name it this. Unless of course the owner relocated here from West Virginia, at which point his stab at the Chinese language makes complete sense. But every time I drive by, I have to smile.

Gas (St. Augustine) I imagine they decided to adopt this moniker because the building may have been an old gas station. Perhaps it was. But the place has had so many tenants and has undergone so many renovations over the years that any semblance to a gas station is long gone. Sorta like welding two wheels onto a horse then calling it a bicycle.

Pho King Noodle House (Jacksonville) Not really sure what to make of this one but I hope the noodles are good. I mean really good. Because this isn't just any noodle house. This is The Pho King Noodle House.

Fu King Restaurant (Lake City) Another oriental restaurant with a name that leaves little to the imagination. Good thing these guys aren't located in Jacksonville. Then they'd be duking it out with the Noodle House for the title of best Fu King restaurant in Jax.

Dogwater Café (Clearwater) This name is about as unappetizing as they get, especially for those of us who own dogs. I mean, what were they thinking? Was "The Litterbox Brasserie" already taken?

Dirty Dicks Crab House (Panama City) Another one that defies explanation. I don't know about you, but I make it a point to steer clear of any restaurant whose name includes both unhygienic reproductive organs and a parasitical venereal disease.

Phylthy Phils Waterfront Cafe (St. Pete Beach) Not as bad as Dirty Dicks. But not much better, either. Besides, word on the street says that Phil has crabs, too.

Gassey Jacks (Orange City) Not to be outdone by the St. Augustine restaurant with the similar name, this establishment at least has the integrity to identify the guy responsible for all the gas.

Better than Sex (Key West) I ate there. It's not. 

Lulu’s Bra and Grill (Fernandina Beach) Methinks the guy they hired to paint the sign for this popular joint started in on the project after downing a couple of six packs. Since the restaurant was just getting on its feet and probably didn't have the cash to redo the sign, they just let it ride. The rest is history.

Mema’s Alaskan Tacos (Tampa) Nothing gets my saliva running like the smell of grilled beef, sizzling onions and sauteed chilies wrapped up in a warm, cheese-filled tortilla. And who better to create this delectable south-of-the-border creation than those who have honed this culinary craft over the centuries. That's right: the Aleuts. Nobody dishes up better tortillas, refried beans and frosty margaritas than those who tramped across the Bering Strait only to settle in a state that is best known for grizzly bears, ice cubes and goofy politicians.

Molly Goodhead’s (Ozona) For some reason this place has been popular since day one. Of course it caters mainly to rising CEO's, professional athletes from the visiting team, and members of the construction trades. Although occasionally some beefy girl on a Harley has been known to stop by. Don't know what that's all about. 

B. O.’s Fish Wagon (Key West) Any eating establishment that has B.O. in the title is worth driving by. And because it looks like a dump, that's exactly what most people do. But the food is very good. And here's the deal: if you go to B.O.'s for lunch, be sure to ask for the 'Daily Special.' Doing so will get you a sandwich far below the price they charge for tourists. Shhh. Don't tell anyone.

Cheap (Tampa)  You gotta give 'em credit. At least they're honest. 

Junk Food Jacks (Clearwater) Another joint with the integrity to own up to what really comes out of the kitchen. 

O’Boobigan's (Clearwater) When the original Hooter's opened on Gulf to Bay Blvd some 20-odd years ago, who could've predicted the impact it'd have on the culinary world. Soon dozens of copy cats began popping up all over Pinellas County to cash in on the Hooter's vibe: Melons, Headlights, Knockers, Mugs & Jugs, O'Boobigans... Alas, only a few remain. O'Boobigan's Irish Pub is one of them. (Personally I've never been much of a frequenter of these mammary-influenced establishments. As far as I'm concerned, if you've seen one, you've seen 'em both...)

So...these are some of my discoveries.

What are some funny restaurant names in your neck of the woods?