Ten More Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips

I received so many responses from my Ten Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips that I thought ten more would be apropos for the season. I was especially encouraged by bjorn99's suggestion that I take my Ten Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips and go jump in a lake (an obvious Norse holiday folk euphemism for Merry Christmas).

So in the spirit of the season, I offer ten more. (And may you, bjorn99, enjoy 'the lake' as well!).

1. Refrigerate all foods labeled “Keep Refrigerated.” I know this sounds like a no-brainer. But remember what happened when you ignored the label that said ”Warning: Keep Away from Open Flame.”? I bet the eyebrows you used to have remember.

2. There’s really no such thing as the “Three Second Rule”. If you drop something on the floor you need to wash and dry it thoroughly or just toss it. Even if no one saw you drop it (popularly known as the “Rule of Non-Observance”).

3. If you are making salad for a large holiday crowd, spinning a couple of heads of torn lettuce in your Maytag dryer is a better idea in concept than it is in real life.

4. Make it a habit to check for a hot stovetop before you touch it. If you have an electric range there should be an indicator light. If you have a gas range, a visible flame is a pretty good indicator.

5. Just because Giada De Laurentiis looks oh-so-hot in the kitchen with those form-fitting low-cut outfits doesn’t mean that you will, too. And yes, I’m talking to you Andy.

6. If you need to get something down from the top shelf, for goodness’ sake use a step stool. Shouting, “Hey, honey, come give me a boost” is not, and has never been, a good idea.

7. Water, grease, and scraps of food can make the floor slippery. If you spill something on the floor, clean it up immediately. I know, the dog will get to it. Or not.

8. Never leave the kitchen when you have something on the stove. Even if you are tempted to step out for a minute because Cousin Billy is in the backyard yelling, “Hey, everybody! Come watch this. I’ve never been able to do this sober before!”

9. If, while you are cooking, someone is constantly looking over your shoulder and saying, “That’s not the way great-grandma Jenkins used to do it” then you need to turn and say “If great-grandma Jenkins did it a better way, then why is she dead?”

10. And finally, use cooking tools, utensils, and gadgets for their intended purposes. Even if your neighbor brags about how he once opened a stubborn jar of mayonnaise with a hacksaw.