Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ten More Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips

I received so many responses from my Ten Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips that I thought ten more would be apropos for the season. I was especially encouraged by bjorn99's suggestion that I take my Ten Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips and go jump in a lake (an obvious Norse holiday folk euphemism for Merry Christmas).

So in the spirit of the season, I offer ten more. (And may you, bjorn99, enjoy 'the lake' as well!).

1. Refrigerate all foods labeled “Keep Refrigerated.” I know this sounds like a no-brainer. But remember what happened when you ignored the label that said ”Warning: Keep Away from Open Flame.”? I bet the eyebrows you used to have remember.

2. There’s really no such thing as the “Three Second Rule”. If you drop something on the floor you need to wash and dry it thoroughly or just toss it. Even if no one saw you drop it (popularly known as the “Rule of Non-Observance”).

3. If you are making salad for a large holiday crowd, spinning a couple of heads of torn lettuce in your Maytag dryer is a better idea in concept than it is in real life.

4. Make it a habit to check for a hot stovetop before you touch it. If you have an electric range there should be an indicator light. If you have a gas range, a visible flame is a pretty good indicator.

5. Just because Giada De Laurentiis looks oh-so-hot in the kitchen with those form-fitting low-cut outfits doesn’t mean that you will, too. And yes, I’m talking to you Andy.

6. If you need to get something down from the top shelf, for goodness’ sake use a step stool. Shouting, “Hey, honey, come give me a boost” is not, and has never been, a good idea.

7. Water, grease, and scraps of food can make the floor slippery. If you spill something on the floor, clean it up immediately. I know, the dog will get to it. Or not.

8. Never leave the kitchen when you have something on the stove. Even if you are tempted to step out for a minute because Cousin Billy is in the backyard yelling, “Hey, everybody! Come watch this. I’ve never been able to do this sober before!”

9. If, while you are cooking, someone is constantly looking over your shoulder and saying, “That’s not the way great-grandma Jenkins used to do it” then you need to turn and say “If great-grandma Jenkins did it a better way, then why is she dead?”

10. And finally, use cooking tools, utensils, and gadgets for their intended purposes. Even if your neighbor brags about how he once opened a stubborn jar of mayonnaise with a hacksaw.

18 comments:

  1. Something came to mind...Don't wear your Santa hat when cooking. It's flammable! Oh yes, and DO NOT DRINK & COOK! LOL

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  2. I guess I should start working on my next 10 tips, Linda. :-)

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  3. #5 is hilarious! I promise I don't do that. In fact, I wear an apron! She doesn't. :)

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  4. Amen to #8...last time my family was all together, we walked outside to say good-by to one of the daughters heading off. Door shuts behind us, locks,and kettle inside boiling away on the stove. One fireman later climbing in my second story window and all is well!

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  5. Thanks, Kate. I make it a point to wear an apron as well! LOL

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  6. Too funny, Debra (well,it is since the house didn't burn down!) At least I know my hints have some real-life application. :-)

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  7. Fun tips! Definitely put a smile on my face! This is Emily, we just met over at Foodbuzz and I am very glad we did. I can tell already that I am going to enjoy your blog! I love the concept of cooking for two, it will come in handy.

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  8. Thanks, Emily. Glad it brought a smile!

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  9. #5 is funny, because when I made my Toasted Raviolis I was wearing a tank top and kept getting splattered. I started complaining and Matt said "well, you're barely wearing any clothes!" hahah it's true, WEAR CLOTHES IN THE KITCHEN!

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  10. LOL, Stacy! This is exactly the reason why I too decided to start wearing clothes in the kitchen! :-)

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  11. Love your sense of humor while pointing out the obvious :)

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  12. Thanks for following, Nancy & Vijay! Tomorrow I will discuss my recent flirtation with technology and how it has enhanced my blog. Not.

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  13. lol funny list! I enjoyed it very much. Glad to have met you through foodbuzz.

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  14. "Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place." Mark Twain.... Discovering your blog was the perfect antidote after reading the morning news. Love your sense of humour! Looking forward to following your future posts.
    Anna's Table
    http://annastable.blogspot.com

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  15. Thanks, Anna. Glad you enjoyed it. I also appreciate a bit of toasted humor with my morning coffee. It helps prepare me for the day. :-)

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  16. I really need to take heed of #6 and accept the fact that I'm 5'1" and can't reach those top shelves on my own! I'm forever trying, but I need to stop before stuff falls on my head!!!

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  17. @Mistress of Spices. LOL! (btw, I've been enjoying your blog).

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